Perfect Match
by kitkatchick89
Summary: Harry was rescued from abusive Dursleys and Harry finds out the only way to block Voldemort is by finding a soul mate. DMHP Abused!Harry Slytherin!Harry Cutting, rape and submissive!Harry.
1. Summer

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling; it's not mine.

* * *

It has been four weeks since I arrived at the platform in London; four weeks since I was last with my friends; four weeks since I left all hope behind. I am back in the stupid cupboard again.

The Dursleys are afraid I will write to Moody, so they threaten to withhold what little food I get. Dudley is almost two sizes bigger than Uncle Vernon now and he eats almost four times his weight in food. When I am allowed food, all I receive is their leftovers and between the hog and his son, I get a lot of vegetables, but not nearly enough to sustain me. I am so skinny that I can count my ribs, or at least I could if I was able to see my chest underneath all of the bruising. I am able to cover up all the bruises using wandless magic, but this also prevents me from seeing my ribs. I learned to do wandless magic quite by accident this summer. I had been having a dream about Voldemort, and when I awoke there was a ball of white light in the palm of my hand. Night after night I woke up with this ball of light until I recognized it to be the Lumos charm. Using another charm, one I had seen Ginny use almost a whole year ago after she had fallen down the stairs, I am now able to cover the bruises when Sirius and Remus come to visit.

Sirius has come to visit a lot since he was cleared of all charges. Wormtail was spotted at a raid outside of Canterbury and Fudge had had no choice (thanks to Dumbledore) to clear Sirius' name. Sirius and Remus visit every three days to update me on Voldemort's plans and to just talk. We are only allowed in the living room as long as the shutters are pulled shut. Uncle Vernon is always in the kitchen eavesdropping, and I know that as much as he doesn't want to hear about Freakish things, he would rather listen then allow me to tell me godfather about the things he does to me. These 'things' started the day I got back to Privet Dr.

-----

The ride from King's Cross was a tense affair, and I knew it was only a matter of time before Vernon lost his cool. After the car was parked, Vernon pulled me from the car and into the house where he proceeded to beat me. "Who the hell do you think you are getting those Freaks to threaten me? I'll teach you to be ungrateful for the kindness we've imparted all these years." After Vernon's lesson, I was bleeding heavily and fought for control of my ragged breathing. Aunt Petunia was yelling about my blood staining her new hard wood so she pushed me into my cupboard. _It's weird how even after using Dudley's second bedroom for three years, I still think of the cupboard under the stairs as mine. Truthfully though, it has been more of a home for nine years then the Dursley household has._ Uncle Vernon locked my trunk and Hedwig's cage before throwing them into the cupboard with me. After sitting in my cramped cupboard for what felt like days, Vernon opened the door and handed me a pail, which was presumably to be used as a toilet, along with a dirty glass of water. "Every three days you'll get out of the cupboard and have a cold shower. Besides that you are not allowed to leave this cupboard under any circumstances. A couple of days later I was allowed out as promised, to shower and also to read a letter Sirius had sent.

_Harry,_

_Can you believe it? I don't know if you've been reading the Prophet, load of rubbish that they are, but they spotted Peter! I'm free now Harry! I can't wait. Dumbledore says that once the wards have kicked in, sometime around your birthday, you can come and live with Remus and I. Until then I am going to visit you every three days, and make sure those Muggles are treating you well. Ron and Hermione say hello. I'll see you Thursday._

_A seriously (ha ha) FREE,_

Mssr. Sirius Black 

_P.S. No code-names any more because I'm FREE!_

I had been so excited that I had forgotten Vernon was reading over my shoulder

"There's going to be more Freaks in my house?"

-----

From then on, the beatings have gotten really bad. On the days Sirius and Remus don't come to visit I am severely beaten before being raped repeatedly by Vernon and Petunia. I think it is some kind of game for them, to see who can orgasm last. Dudley often complains because he isn't allowed to join in on the raping, although he is allowed to beat me and sexually assault me. I am so ashamed; I can't tell Sirius or Remus. Why would they ever want me if they knew how dirty I am? I know they would take me away from here, but I would not be able to stand the looks they would give me. Plus, I need the blood wards to renew themselves.

-----

"What are you doing in there, boy?" Uncle Vernon yells. "It's time to play." Uncle Vernon pulls me from my cupboard and drags me up the stairs to Dudley's second bedroom. By the time I realize what is about to happen it is to late to tell Vernon that Sirius is coming a day early for his visit.

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A/N This chapter is short because the rape scene had to be cut out. I have most of this story written on paper and the first few chapters will come out faster than the rest. Hopefully I will have time to finish it soon, but I will continue to post chapters, regardless. Thanks for reading and please review. --Steff 


	2. Discovered

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling; it's not mine.

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Two hours later he leaves me, bleeding in my cupboard. My eyes are swollen shut, but even if they weren't, I wouldn't want to look. I know that this is it. I have been raped five times and been beaten by both my uncle and my cousin. Using a broken quill and some of my blood I write a letter to Sirius on a torn piece of parchment. I am able to squint and see, but it hurts like nothing I have ever felt before. In my mind it feels worse than the Cruciatus curse. I write about all that has happened this summer and detail the pain of tonight. I lay, sobbing as quietly as possible, to not disturb Vernon, and I think of my parents and how happy I'll be to see them again. Eventually the world goes dark. 

-----

Sirius was hurrying. He knew he was early to visit his Godson, but he was very excited. Dumbledore was going to let Harry stay at Sirius' new home. Of course, he was also hurrying so that he wouldn't have to spend too much time with Snivellus.

-----

It wasn't like Snape was happy about being with Sirius. It had been the Dark Lord's choice, not his. Dumbledore had asked Snape to tell the Dark Lord about Harry being relocated as the Dark Lord was becoming suspicious of Snape's loyalties. Snape had been appalled; he didn't want to go to Potter's house. He didn't want to see Potter on the holidays, during the school year was bad enough. The snide, arrogant boy was the bane of Snape's existence; born to Snape's enemy and his one true love. Potter was a reminder of all he had lost and he didn't want to have to face his past again. Snape was sure, 5 million galleons sure, that Potter was treated like the spoiled brat he was and as such, he wasn't prepared for what they found waiting for them in the cozy little house at 4 Privet Dr.

-----

As Sirius drew closer to Harry's home, he knew something was wrong. He could smell the musty odour he had come to associate with a person dying, during his years as an auror, radiating from the house. Sirius morphed into his human form and walked up to the front door. He knocked and waited with baited breath, listening to Snape recite potion ingredients, until a tall horse faced Petunia answered the door.

"Pet, I've come to visit Harry."

"He's not home; he went to Mrs. Figg's house, she's a neighbour of ours, and he's been there all evening."

"He's not there Petunia. We have people watching the house and Harry has not left home. May we come in?"

"I'm sorry, but we are too busy to have company," Petunia said shrilly before going to shut the door.

"I'm sorry too Pet," Sirius said as he stuck his foot in the door way, "Stupefy!"

Snape and Sirius burst into the house. Snape entered the living room and tied Vernon and Dudley with conjured ropes. Snape is shocked by the amount of pictures of the boy who looked sort of like a beached whale. _That must be Dudley, Potter's cousin, but… where are all the pictures of Potter?_ Snape wordlessly climbed the stairs and opened the door on the left. The room was full of toys and other odds and ends; pictures of Dudley and a couple of boys lay scattered ontop of a broken television. _This must be Dudley's room._ From there, Snape walked past a bathroom and a master bedroom that could only belong to Petunia and her husband. The only other room had six locks on the outside. _Those locks are to keep something in that room. What would they want to keep locked up? _Snape broke the locks off of the door and slowly entered, Sirius following. The room looked like it had been freshly scrubbed, but there was a large red stain on the bare mattress. The smell of sweat and semen was unmistakable in the small room.

"Where is he?" Snape wondered aloud.

"Let's check downstairs."

Snape led the way downstairs. Underneath the stairs they came to another door with locks on the outside. _It looks to be a cupboard, but why does a cupboard need locks?_ Snape undid the locks and cautiously opened the door. Sirius pushed past him and peered inside.

"Harry!"

Harry was curled in a ball in the corner of the cupboard. He was covered in blood and was barely breathing. Sirius bent down and shook Harry lightly. Harry whimpered and opened his eyes.

"S…nape? Siri…us? What are you guys doing here? Is there something wrong? I don't feel well. Come back tomorrow and I'll bake you a cake… with house elves on top… purple house elves."

"Shh, you are coming to my house now. Don't worry, I'm going to take good care of you."

-----

Snape was disgusted. Here was the saviour of the wizarding world in all his glory; a small, frail, broken boy. He could smell the semen on him and knew the boy had been raped. He couldn't believe it. How was he, Snape, supposed to hate Potter, no Harry, with this picture in his head? He knew what it was like to be abused. He wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even on the senior Potter, and especially not Harry, who had already seen so much pain in his short life.

-----

Sirius was trying to stay calm but he was quickly losing his cool. Here was Harry, his Harry, broken and hallucinating. Harry was supposed to be safe here, yet it was here he learned to cry silently, it was here he learned to duck when someone lifted there hand, it was here he learned sex was painful and not at all a loving sacrifice for a special person. How could Dumbledore not know about Harry's neglect? Why did no one suspect anything or if they did, say something? This could have been prevented. Harry could have been saved. And now, here was Harry, holding onto life by a thread, but still trying to please people. Sirius looked to Snape, who nodded and left the room in search of the Dursleys. Sirius prayed that Snape would give them what they deserved; yet he hoped Snape could control himself and not kill the bastards. Harry wouldn't want-didn't need-the Dursleys to die. He would place the guilt on himself and he didn't need that. Right now the only thing Sirius knew was that it was all about what Harry needed and it always would be for him, because Harry would never do anything he needed if someone didn't tell him he could.

"Harry," Sirius whispered, touching Harry's arm.

Harry whimpered and Sirius knew Harry was trying not to cry out.

"Harry, don't worry, it's Sirius. I need to know what happened."

Harry glanced at a piece of parchment lying haphazardly on the floor and then looked at Sirius with worried green eyes.

"I fell down the stairs."

Sirius sighed and used a spell to float Harry out of the cupboard. Before Harry noticed, Sirius picked up the paper, noting the hastily scribbled letter, and floated Harry's trunk into the living room. Sirius led Harry over to the fireplace. _I am so glad we thought to connect the floo to our new house._ Sirius and Remus had built a new home together just outside of Hogsmeade. Remus, Hermione and the Weasley family were all helping to decorate the inside and they were most likely in the house at this moment waiting for Harry. _This is probably not what they expect Harry to look like though. _

Just then Snape entered the room, interrupting Sirius' thoughts. He informed Sirius that the Dursleys were alive, but he would be back to kill them if Harry gave permission. _I wonder how Snape knows Harry wouldn't want them killed._ Sirius floated Harry into the expanded fireplace and stepped in behind him, throwing the floo powder into the grate.

"Marauders' hovel."

* * *

Sorry it took awile, it's been a busy week at school... Steff 


	3. Letter Of Apology

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling; it's not mine.

Remus, the Weasleys, Hermione and Dumbledore were waiting in the kitchen for Harry to arrive. What stepped through the fireplace before Snape and Harry's trunk was not what they expected. Harry was bloody and bruised. The first thing that went through Ron's mind was, "Death Eaters?"

Molly Weasley, the kindhearted mother of seven, burst into tears. Remus watched as Sirius let out a sob and frantically shook his head while glaring at Dumbledore.

"No… family."

-----

Dumbledore took one look at Harry and asked Fawkes, who was sitting on his shoulder, to get Madam Pomfrey. Snape sighed, heading back into the fireplace, after placing Harry's possessions on the table.

"Potion's Lab, Hogwarts!"

-----

Madam Pomfrey apparated into Sirius' kitchen just as Snape appeared in the fireplace once again. Both healers carefully led Sirius (who was still carrying Harry) into the living room, where Harry was placed on the couch. Sirius swayed on his feet and Remus quickly guided him into a nearby chair. Sirius held up Harry's secret parchment.

"He didn't want me to see this. He told me he fell down the stairs. Can you read it out loud Dumbledore? I don't think I have the strength."

Dumbledore nodded and led all but the healers, Sirius and Remus from the room. Dumbledore put silencing and imperturbable charms on the room so that the people outside the room would not be able to hear the reading. He unfolded the note and gasped.

"It's written in blood, to you Sirius. Would you rather read it alone?"

"No," Sirius whispered still breathing heavily although his tears had dried up.

"Ok…"

-----

_Dear Sirius,_

_Dumbledore will probably see this at some point, so hi to him too. I don't think I have much time left. Everything is blurry and I have lost a little too much blood. If I am alive when you find me I will probably tell you I fell down the stairs. If I'm not alive I am really sorry that I wasn't able to save your world. I tried, I really did, but nothing I do is ever good enough. For fifteen years I lived through this abuse but I guess it has finally caught up to me. I know Tom will be happy but maybe he will also be so distraught that he didn't get to kill me that he'll turn himself in… I almost died when I saw you fall through the veil, Sirius. When I found out you were still alive I was ecstatic. I would finally have the chance to have a parental figure that might love me. I tried to stay alive for your sake. I wanted you to know that I am grateful for all that you have done for me. Tell Hermione and Ron that I'm sorry I will not be able to die saving their future, but I don't think I have the strength to hold on much longer. I have been beaten all my life by Vernon, twice a week until I was eleven and then I thank Merlin that Hagrid saved me. (Make sure he knows that I am eternally grateful for his 'rescue'.) Vernon wanted to 'beat the magic out' of me and after I began Hogwarts, Vernon started to worry and he began to beat me more often. This summer I was beaten and raped every day that you and Remus did not come to visit me. I always hid my bruises and pretended that I didn't hurt; I didn't want any one to know that I can't take care of myself. I mean, I have been self-reliant my whole life and I could live on my own easily, but I have never been able to fight off my uncle. Tonight, was really different. I was gang raped by Vernon, Petunia and Dudley. I was beaten and whipped for their pleasure. They don't know that any one is coming tonight. Tonight, the beating hurt more than all the other beatings put together and although I know I deserve to be beaten, but I can't help but wonder if I deserve this much pain. No one else I know is beaten all the time, but I guess I am more of a freak then I ever realized. I want to apologize to whomever finds my body, because I do not have the strength to perform a masking charm on myself to hide the mess. I love you, Sirius. This is the first-and probably the last-time I will ever say these words, but know that when I say them now they are true. You and Remus are like parents to me and I am sorry I had to leave before I ever got to truly know you. Tell the Weasleys that I will miss them greatly. They are like my adoptive family and although I do not deserve to be loved by them, I have always felt loved in their home. Dumbledore, I know you will be disappointed in me, but I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I really wish that I could be your saviour and make you proud. Give Hedwig to Hermione. I know she will take good care of her and she will keep her busy with all the letters to Ron (when Ron finally gets his Gryffindor courage together and asks Hermione out). Give Ron all of my possessions. I am sure he can find some mischief to get his self into with a certain cloak and map. Tell Ginny that I realized she is not only Ron's little sister and that I would have taken her to the ball in my fourth year if I had feelings for her. Please let her know that I cared for her as a sister and as a friend, but I am not able to feel that kind of love for another person. I am sorry that I have nothing to give to her, but I do not have anything that would match her beauty or her value. Lastly, I know you will probably not want to, but pass on a message to Snape. Tell him that I cannot take back what my dad did to him, but I want to ask his forgiveness anyway. I am sorry that I looked in his pensieve. I had no right, yet I did it anyways and I have felt nothing but guilt ever since. I am sorry that I never took the effort to mend our rifts and see the man behind the mask. I will watch over you all and I am sorry I couldn't save your future. _

_Goodbye,_

_Harry Potter

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_

It's been a long week and I'm sorry I didn't get this posted earlier, but with school, yearbook and choosing universities, it's been really stressful and hectic around here. Not to mention, family is here for Thanksgiving. I'm just glad it's a three-day weekend. I don't know how long it will be for the next chappy, probably not more than a week or two. Thanx for reading and review, if you feel like it. Steff 


	4. Snape Steps Up

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling; it's not mine.

_Damn you Potter,_ Snape thought. _You had to ask for forgiveness and in blood no less. He probably doesn't even realize the significance of a blood letter._ _Shit! Now I have no choice but to accept his apology. Although, seeing him like this… I should probably apologize to him. _

_-----_

Remus held onto Sirius' shoulders as he collapsed to the floor. _How could we not know what was happening in that house? We didn't even see the signs. _Remus glanced at Harry. _No wonder he wanted to visit the Weasleys. _

_-----_

Dumbledore sat, slumped in his chair, as a lone tear slid down his cheek. _Oh Harry, _he thought, _how I've failed you. How is it that you lived like this for all these years and yet I never thought to ask… never thought to check?_ Dumbledore knelt by the couch and placed his hand on top of Harry's.

Harry whimpered slightly.

"Poppy? How is he?"

"He's got four broken ribs, a broken leg and extensive internal injuries. These should be healed in under a month, if there are no setbacks. He has a multitude of scars that have been infected. I cleaned them up as best I could, but only time will tell if they clear up. To the best of my knowledge, he will be left with major scarring. The one thing I'm most worried about is Harry's psychological and emotional wellbeing."

"How long will he sleep, Poppy?"

"I gave him a sleeping potion, but he should wake up in an hour or two."

Dumbledore nodded and with one last look at Harry, left the room. Madame Pomphrey packed her medicine bag and followed Albus out.

"Black, Lupin," Snape acknowledged, "I know we may not be friends per se, but I would like to stay by Harry's side until he wakes."

Sirius shrugged his shoulders indifferently before curling into a ball on the floor.

"Moony? What did I do wrong? How could I have failed James this badly? How could I fail Harry like this? If I can't even make sure Harry is safe, how can I be expected to raise him under my own roof? Moony?" Sirius sobbed, "I don't even think he knows that today is his birthday."

Remus bent down until he was eye level with Sirius. "Listen to me Sirius and listen good. You could not have known. Nobody knew. You are a great godfather. Harry doesn't need someone to protect him; he can already do that himself. What he needs is someone to be there for him when he breaks down. You are that person, Siri! He needs you to listen to him, not tell him what to do. As for his birthday, I don't think he'll mind if his birthday party is a couple of days late."

"The werewolf is right, Black. The boy doesn't need anyone to protect him. He's proven that time and time again. Don't worry about his birthday either. I heard him say once that he had never celebrated his birthday before, so he won't be expecting a party, a cake or presents. All he'll want is for you to tell him that if he needs to talk to you, you will be there to listen."

Sirius and Remus stared at Snape until he grimaced.

"I know how he feels. I went through a tough childhood too; nowhere near as bad as his, but close enough."

Sirius nodded his head then turned to Harry as he heard a yawn followed by a muffled yelp.

"Harry, how are you, foal?"

"S…Sirius? Whose there with you?"

"Remus and Professor Snape. How are you feeling? Do you hurt anywhere?"

"I'm fine Siri. Can I see Snape?"

"Potter!" Snape snarled. "You are awake at last. Just couldn't die could you? Had to stay alive in spite of the rest of the world wanting you dead?"

Sirius jumped up to hit Snape, but Remus held him back.

Harry laughed. "Glad to know you missed me professor."

Snape did the one thing Sirius had never thought possible. He smiled. At least, Sirius thought it was a smile.

"You had a lot of people worried, Harry. We didn't think you would be able to do your potions homework. Now, Minerva may let you skive off her homework but I will not. Death is not an excuse for unfinished homework and I would have had to fail you. I am glad I will have one more essay to tear apart. Happy birthday." Snape nodded to Sirius and Remus before stalking from the room.

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Thanks for all of you reviewers who made up my first 51! I like Snape like this. Still his snarky self but with a softer side. I know he's OC, but eventually everything will work out. I've been busy lately with my school yearbook and emptying my room, because I've been without a ceiling and lights for a month and my uncle has finally got around to putting one up. Yay!

Review if you feel like it or don't, it's up to you. :P Lots of love, Steff


	5. Cleansing

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling; it's not mine.

* * *

Harry watched Snape leave, before turning back to Sirius and Remus. Both looked to have been crying and Harry was concerned. _Do they know?_

"Sirius? Professor Lupin? What's wrong?"

"Shh… Harry, call me Remus."

"Nothing's wrong, foal. Now, get some rest; you need to save your strength."

"Why were you crying?"

Sirius and Remus hastily wiped their cheeks dry and looked at Harry with serious expressions.

"We almost lost you Harry," Sirius choked and coughed before speaking. "We were crying because we were happy that you're still here."

"How did I get here?" Harry gave a dry laugh. "Where am I?"

"This is **our** new home. Remus and I live here. Snape and I went to the Dursleys," Sirius paused as Harry shuddered, "and we brought you here to stay."

"Harry," Remus spoke hesitantly. He wished he didn't need to have this talk, but Harry needed to admit the abuse he lived through. "Do you want to tell us what happened?"

Sirius shot Remus a seething glare, but Remus ignored him and watched Harry imploringly.

"Why? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry."

"No, foal, of course you didn't do anything wrong! Absolutely nothing wrong. We just wanted to know how you ended up like this." He gestured loosely at Harry's body.

Harry looked down. He was covered in blood. It looked a lot worse then it felt, but that was probably due to a Pain Relieving potion. Harry tried to move his arms but they felt as if they were crafted from stone. He could barely even feel his legs. Harry became worried. He cried out in frustration with the dire hope that his head would still follow his directions even though his body would not.

"I fell down the stairs."

"Harry! Do not lie to us. Tell us who did this and we'll see that they are justly punished!"

"NO! Don't hurt them! It was my fault. If I wasn't such a freak; if I had stopped Moody from threatening them!" Harry broke into tears. "Why in the name of Merlin do my legs not work?"

Sirius gave a quick glance at Remus, who nodded his head slightly. Sirius grabbed onto Harry's shoulders and pulled him close, enveloping in a bone-crushing hug.

Harry yelped and tried to push Sirius away, but his attempts were feeble at best, as he had very little strength.

"Listen to me! You are not a freak and it is not your fault that Moody threatened them. Do not blame yourself." Sirius paused and allowed Harry to pull away. "I'll take off your Body Bind and you can have a nice hot bath."

When the spell was released, Harry immediately made to stand up, however Harry did not possess enough strength to even roll over. Sirius made to help Harry, but Remus placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder to stall him.

"Let me help him," Remus whispered. "He won't like it if you have to help him have a bath. He won't want you of all people to see him that vulnerable."

Sirius nodded as Remus picked Harry up off of the couch and across the hall into the bathroom. He placed Harry on the edge of the bathtub and shut the door on Sirius. Harry slumped against the wall and Remus realized that Harry would not be able to bathe on his own. He turned on the tap and put a small amount of water on the bottom of the tub. Remus took hold of Harry's shirt and made to pull it off of him, but he stalled as Harry whimpered. Remus sighed. Harry probably wouldn't let anyone else bathe him, so Remus had to find a way to make Harry comfortable.

-----

Harry slapped himself mentally. _Remus won't hurt me. He's just going to give me a bath. He probably thinks I'm a coward, but with the way he backed away when I whimpered… they must know something. How? How do they know what happened? The only possible way would be…MY LETTER. No! They can't have found it; there is no way. Oh please Merlin let them have missed the letter. _Harry noticed Remus watching him, so he decided to apologize.

"I'm sorry Remus. I'm just a little sore. I promise I won't hurt you."

Remus nodded and slowly began to undress Harry. He could see Harry was uncomfortable, but he didn't think it had anything to do with him being a werewolf. Remus instinctively knew that Sirius was still standing outside the door, so Remus decided he would see what Harry had to say.

"How are you feeling, Harry?"

"Tired. Remus, and of course Sirius, I know you are listening, why are you guys so concerned? I mean, I know why you are concerned but all I did was fall down the stairs. Why are you insinuating another cause?"

Remus sighed and for a split second thought about lying to Harry. _He doesn't need the added pressure of thinking everyone knows. But, he needs the truth. He kept the truth from us. Look at how well that turned out. He needs to know he can talk to us._

"Look, Harry. We found your letter."

At this Harry inhaled sharply.

"We only read it because we were worried about you," Remus hurried to explain. "We didn't know if you would make it. We couldn't-and still can't-help you if we don't know what happened in the first place… Why didn't you tell us you weren't okay? We could have taken you away from there!"

"I didn't want to bother anyone. You would have worried and I know you guys have enough on your plates as it is. You're busy and I would have just gotten in the way."

"Yurntabthraneealwysavtmefroo," came the muffled reply from the hall.

Remus would have smiled if not for the seriousness of their conversation. "Padfoot says that you are not a not a bother and we always have time for you. Moony definitely agrees on this one. It's our job to take care of you and we can't do that if you don't talk to us. Both of us promised James and Lily that we would never ever stop caring about you. But even if we hadn't promised, Harry, you are a great kid. You are just what Siri and I always wanted in a child and we love you like our own."

Harry smiled. Remus finished washing almost all of Harry. The only part left was currently covered by threadbare y-fronts and Moony knew this would be the hardest part for Harry. Remus paused and glanced at Harry.

"Are you okay? I don't have to do this. Is there someone you would be more comfortable with?" Remus asked out of politeness, but he knew what Harry's reply would be.

Harry shook his head violently, so Remus slowly lowered Harry's briefs. Harry cried out in fear and Remus couldn't help himself from pulling back with shock. Sirius yelled from outside the door.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." _I thought was ready for this but I guess not. I need to get over this._

Remus began to wash Harry; careful not to linger for too long on any spot.

-----

Washing Harry like this saddened Remus. _This poor boy has been through too much. _Remus grabbed a nearby bottle of calming lotion and poured it into the bath while Harry's eyes clenched shut in fear. Harry inhaled deeply many times before falling asleep. Remus was left to dry and dress him, before tucking him safely into bed.

* * *

Wow, I know it has been a long while since I updated, but with yearbook and then the holiday season, everything is really hectic. Now that everyone is either at work or visting friends and I am stuck at home on winter vacation with nothing to do, I have lots of time to work on hobbies. Sorry about the wait and I'll see what I can do about getting another chapter out today. Sirius and Remus aren't too important to the story but they will be in it until Harry goes back to school and then they will only pop in every once in a while. Thanks to all my great reviewers. It really helps after a day of working to know someone appreciates what I'm doing. Review if you have the time. Lots of love. 


	6. Startling Similarities

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling; therefore this is not mine.

* * *

That night, Harry found himself sitting in a dark room. He was waiting for someone, although whom he was waiting for was not apparent. Finally, a door on the far side of the room cracked open allowing for a small quivering figure to enter.

"What have you heard, my faithful servant?" Harry asked allowing Wormtail to rise from his place on the floor. "Why has Severus not returned?"

"There were complications, my lord. The school nurse has seen to the boy and the extent of his injuries is unknown; Severus was unable to leave."

"Hmm, I hope he knows the boy's condition or he will regret not being able to answer my summons. As for you, you should not have made me wait this long, CRUCIO!"

Hands grabbed at Harry as he screamed and he opened his eyes to Snuffles' blurry snout. Someone pressed his glasses onto his face and he was able to see many figures vigilant at his bedside. Snuffles whimpered and nuzzled Harry's face in concern. Harry's scar was incredibly painful and he knew he had just had another journey into Voldemort's mind.

"Sorry, did I wake you all?"

"It's eleven-thirty, Harry. Everyone has been up for a while. What were you dreaming about? You were having a fit and none of us were able to wake you."

Harry looked around and realized that everyone did in fact look wide-awake and concerned for Harry.

"Sorry, it was nothing. I meant to warn you that it would happen. I guess I kind of forgot."

"You mean this has happened before?"

"Yah, almost every night. Sometimes, it's worse than others. It depends on what Voldemort is doing."

Harry watched as everyone, save Snape, Dumbledore and Remus flinched.

"Every night I watch through Voldemort's-oh for heaven's sake, it's just a name-I watch through Voldemort's eyes and I see what he does, what he plans, who he meets and who he tortures and kills. Every time he uses the Cruciatus curse or the killing curse, I feel it. With crucio, I feel the pain and the after effects. With the killing curse, I feel pain, worse than crucio, and peace at the same time."

"You see everything?"

Harry turned towards Snape with sympathetic eyes. "I see and feel **everything**."

Dumbledore looked back and forth, from Harry to Snape before gasping. "Everything…" Dumbledore conjured a chair and sunk into it, placing his hands over his face. "What have I done?"

Harry crawled across the bed to place a hand on Dumbledore's knee. "Don't worry about it. I woke up pretty quick after that. I always woke up quick, although I wish I didn't."

Dumbledore looked up at Harry inquisitively.

"Being woken up by my family isn't always a good interruption." Harry smiled. "Anyways, I'm here now so, don't worry about it; it's nothing I can't handle."

Mrs. Weasley started crying and was escorted out of the room by Arthur. The rest of the Weasleys, Hermione and the Order quickly followed leaving Harry alone with Dumbledore, Snape, Remus and Sirius. Each of the remaining people conjured chairs, if they were not already sitting and turned to Harry intently.

"Harry we have one last question and then I will let you get some sleep. What is your point of view during these visions?"

"It's like seeing through Voldemort's eyes. I am him; I can see what he sees, I know what he thinks. There is no Harry there. We're one person."

* * *

Does anyone have a guess at what Harry saw in his visions that has Snape and Dumbledore rattled? I know it's short but I felt like that was a good place to break the chapter. Anyways, review please!


	7. Happy Birthday or not

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling; therefore none of it is mine.

* * *

Later that afternoon found Harry wound up in four blankets, curled on the couch, under Mrs. Weasley's watchful eye. Ron had accidentally let slip that the kitchen downstairs was being prepped for Harry's birthday party and Mrs. Weasley was their way of keeping Harry from peeking. Harry, though, had absolutely no intention of going downstairs to peek. There was no way he was going to ruin his very first birthday party. 

Eventually, after Harry had exhausted his pile of books and was becoming fidgety, both Hermione and Ginny approached him, while Ron had a whispered conversation with his mom.

"C'mon Harry," Hermione demanded as she led him from the sitting room, "close your eyes."

Harry shook his head adamantly. He couldn't close his eyes without being haunted by memories. He wasn't going to let those ruin this day for him. Harry had also become partially afraid of the dark, unless of course it was a dark cupboard. In a cupboard he knew he was safe and the dark didn't seem to scare him as much. In an open space, there were just too many unknowns.

Hermione guided Harry downstairs and together they stood in front of the kitchen door. Harry took deep breaths and tried to prepare himself for his first birthday party. Dimly, he was aware of Mrs. Weasley, Ron and Ginny shifting anxiously behind him. Harry took one last deep breath and pushed the door open.

"SURPRISE!"

Harry stepped back in fright and cowered into Hermione's form. Both Snape and Sirius crossed the kitchen. Snape reached Harry first and swept the boy into a hug.

"Potter! Pott-Harry. Harry, listen to me. You're safe; no one wants to hurt you. You're okay. You're safe. Please, Harry, believe me. There is nothing here to harm you."

Snape gently released Harry who was captured in Sirius' hug. After a quick whispered conversation, Harry was released and he moved to stand slightly behind Snape. Shacklebolt approached Harry quickly with a gleaming kitchen knife and Harry latched painfully onto Snape's robes. Snape leaned down to mutter into Harry's ear.

"Shacklebolt is not going to hurt you, Harry. He just wants a piece of birthday cake." Snape sneered to express his distaste of birthday cake, but surprising accepted a small piece after it was cut. Before long, there was only a small piece of cake left, which Harry looked at longingly before returning to his sanctuary, the shadow caused by Snape.

Snape leered down at Harry. "Where is your piece of cake?"

"My… piece?"

"Did I speak troll? Yes, **your** piece of cake. Surely you desire a piece? No one here will forbid you from having it."

Harry hesitantly walked up to the table. After looking around numerous times to make sure everyone was involved in a conversation, Harry's arm darted out quickly and grabbed the last piece of cake. He hurried to crouch behind Snape where he crammed the piece into his mouth and smiled up at Snape.

"Thank you, sir."

"There's nothing to thank me for, Potter. Congratulations on becoming 16."

-----

Harry was even more surprised when he was presented with birthday presents. Harry was just about to open them when he felt the first throb of pain in his scar and he quickly excused himself and bolted from the room. When a blood-curdling scream echoed from the hallway, Sirius, Remus, Snape and Dumbledore rushed out of the kitchen, barring the door from letting any one else exit.

-----

After escaping from the kitchen, the pain in Harry's scar had intensified and Harry could not hold back a scream of pain. He tried to drag himself up the stairs and into his bedroom, but the going was difficult as he had one hand against his forehead desperately trying to relieve the pain. In the background, Harry could here feet pounding up the stairs and as he lost consciousness he felt warm, strong arms wrap around his body and he knew everything would somehow be okay.

-----

Sirius lifted Harry off of the stairs and carried him into Harry's bedroom.

"Harry seems to be having a Voldemort induced attack. Can you see how his scar is red and puckered?"

Snape had noticed. Snape had also noticed the dull ache that was steadily increasing in his left arm. Harry had started tossing on the bed and as the pain escalated in Snape's arm, Harry arched off of the bed and threw up. Sirius quickly cleaned Harry with a flick of his wand and tried to gather Harry in his arms, but Harry was too hot to touch.

-----

"The dark lord is angry."

All heads swiveled around to stare at Snape who was slumped against the window gripping his arm.

"This isn't a summons but a punishment. Someone has displeased him greatly and he is warning us all."

Dumbledore and Snape exchanged a look and Snape headed for the door to the hallway but Harry's voice startled him into turning around.

"Stop it! Stop hurting him… please." Snape walked closer to Harry.

"Who is he hurting, Potter? Tell us. Who is the dark lord torturing?"

A triumphant scream rang through the room.

"I know you can hear me, Potter! Who is the dark lord with?"

Harry's mouth fell open in surprise and a voice eerily unlike Harry's rang from his mouth.

"Where are you, Potter? Can you hear me? Do you see what you have caused? These deaths are your fault. Every person I kill is your fault. You are a menace and a disgrace. Get the hell out of my head!"

Harry and Snape screamed as pain exploded from their bonds to Voldemort and Snape slumped on top of Harry as Harry's eyes dropped shut.

* * *

Wow, sorry it's been so long since the last time I uploaded, but yearbook is a 27 hour job in a 24 hour day. I'm glad so many people are enjoying this story, but I would just like to point out that under no circumstances am I forcing anyone to read it, so if you don't like it, don't read it. lol Honestly, I don't mind if you send me a review telling me you don't like it, but reviewing and calling me names a) doesn't bother me in the the slightest, and b) makes me laugh. Anyway, when Sirius and Remus call Harry "foal", it's just a term of endearment, not me mistakenly trying to call Harry after his father's animagus form. Love you all and keep reviewing. 


	8. Explaining The Past

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling; therefore none of it is mine.

* * *

"Harry." 

Harry reached out for his glasses and found them sitting on his bedside table. He thought back to the last time he had woken up, when Sirius, panic stricken, had shaken Harry so hard that Harry had had no choice but to wake up.

Flashback

"Harry! Harry!"

Harry swatted at the offending noise, but whoever it was, trying to wake him up, was doing a mighty fine job.

"Go 'way."

"Harry, oh thank Merlin, Harry your awake."

"Sirius? I am now, thanks to you. What is your problem?"

"What is my problem? You were just possessed by Voldemort and then you and Snivellus passed out. You have to ask me what my problem is?"

"What are you talking about? Possessed by Voldemort. I have no clue what you are talking about. The last thing I can remember is coming to bed after my birthday party, because I was exhausted."

Remus entered the room carrying a glass of water. "You don't remember anything after that? You collapsed on the stairs and then after Sirius carried you up here you fought with Voldemort and you and Snape passed out!"

"I really don't remember any of that, but you say Snape passed out? How is he?"

"I woke up about an hour ago Potter," Snape said entering the room. "The dark lord was very upset with someone last night. I am on my way to speak to him now. He will be expecting me."

"Be careful, Sev and let me know when you are back."

"Of course, Mr. Potter, I shouldn't be too long. Perhaps only an hour or two and then I believe Albus and I have some things to talk to you about."

"What kind of things?"

"The time is not right, Mr. Potter. You will find out soon enough I suppose, but you need to get some rest. I will be back."

End Flashback

"Harry?"

Harry looked over to the shadows beside the fireplace and he quickly grabbed his wand.

"Lumos! Who's there?" Harry shone his wand towards the shadows, but the light seemed to bend away from the person there.

"Sorry, Harry. The wards on your bedroom are impressive, but you know I can break through anything you don't put all your power behind. I realize you feel safe here, Harry but you should not neglect your protection."

"Professor Dumbledore, sir?" Harry asked letting go of his breath. "I'm sorry, sir, I'll recast them as soon as I can."

"See that you do, my boy. But, in the mean time, Professor Snape has returned and we must talk to you. Can you let down your wards so that he can come in?"

"No need professor, my wards should let him in."

"They will let him in, but not me? Are we still on rough terms, my boy? I thought we had worked through our problems?"

"These wards were cast beforehand, I'm sorry and I'm still not completely sure you are trustworthy. How many people have you manipulated, headmaster? Am I not just another pawn for you to use?"

Dumbledore was silent at this. "Severus, my boy, do come in."

"Now, Harry," Dumbledore continued once Snape had conjured himself a seat, "I believe it is about time that we explained to you what you saw this summer between Severus and Tom Riddle."

"Really, sir? Are you sure you can trust me with such information?"

"Harry, please. Set our differences aside for only a moment. We will fight between ourselves in private. Do not make a fool of yourself in front of Professor Snape."

"Mr. Potter! Refrain yourself from being a carbon copy of your father! This is a serious issue and I will only go through this discussion once. It is difficult enough living through it without having to justify my actions to a sixteen-year old boy such as you."

"I'm sorry, Sev. Please, what is it I have to know?"

"As you know, my dear boy, Severus is both a spy and a talented occlumens. This summer I asked Severus to do a dangerous job for me. I asked him to help us get into Riddle's thoughts."

"His thoughts…for plans? But how could Sev do that? It's way too dangerous!"

"I had to, the headmaster asked it of me."

"And you do everything he asks? How could you put yourself in jeopardy like that? And for a man who sees you as a pawn—"

"Now, see here! Do not presume that all I feel for Severus is for the better of this war. I love Severus as a son and I would not have asked this of him if I had any other choice! But, he is all we have on the inside who would be able to carry out such a delicate task. He is the best we've got and despite any feelings I have, we needed him. He is not just a pawn to me!"

"Well, isn't that quaint. Dumbledore and his Snivellus!"

"Mr. Potter! Did I not ask you to refrain from acting like your father for once? Show respect to those who deserve it: the Headmaster and I both. You are just a pitiful child. How dare you patronize our relationship!"

"Of course, I'm sorry. You're absolutely correct," Harry sneered, "how dare I criticize your relationship. It's not like I know what a parental relationship is like, as I have never had one. Do you know whose fault that is? That's right, your precious Dumbledore's! So, fuck off before you criticize me for acting like my father. I can't act like someone I've never met!"

"Boys, boys! Please we need to get this discussion over with. I asked Professor Snape to break into Riddle's mind to discover his plans. To do this I had Severus obliviated."

"Oh, this gets so much better. Not only did you send him on a dangerous mission, but you obliviated him to?"

"My dear boy, we did what we must."

"Albus obliviated me so that when I went to the Dark Lord and he searched my mind Voldemort found that I had a memory missing. Naturally, he was intrigued and proceeded to break through the barrier. As you know, breaking a memory charm is quite difficult and it takes a lot of concentration. While the Dark Lord broke into my mind, I slipped behind his walls practically unnoticed."

"But, how! It is immensely painful to break through a memory charm."

"Mr. Potter. I am one of the best potions masters in the world. I simply developed a potion to block the pain until I was out of the Dark Lord's presence. Anyhow, my years as a spy have greatly increased my pain tolerance."

"Yet, you thought nothing of the pain you put me through? You know I go through all the pain that Voldemort's victims feel. I am able to withstand the pain, but you should not have had to go through the pain in the first place."

"I am an old spy, Mr. Potter, pain is the only feeling I have. I relish chances to be hurt, although I am very sorry that you were put through the pain as well."

Harry waved his hand indifferently. "Do not worry about my pain, it doesn't matter. But what I don't understand is how you managed to get this to work more than once."

"Voldemort is nothing if not stubborn. He was angry that Albus seemed to be erasing pointless memories and he believed that perhaps Albus was covering up unneeded memories as a disguise for one really important memory."

* * *

A/N: This chapter is just really an explanation of what Harry saw in his dreams over the summer. I know its been almost a month, but our yearbook is still being dragged out and I have had so many culminating projects and extra things on the go. Truthfully, the weather has been absolutely beautiful lately and despite a mild sunburn/sickness, I have spent all the time I can enjoying the sun and enjoying the last of high school! 


	9. Broken Like Me

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling; therefore none of it is mine.

Hmm, thanks for waiting so long for this, but you'll have to wait for another second for the exciting:

WARNING!!! This chapter includes "cutting". If this disturbs you, please don't read it and then yell at me. I'm warning you now, so that you know!

Anyways, without futher ado, on with the story. Enjoy. P.S. This chapter does not begin where the last one left off. It starts later that day. Sorry for any confusion.

Quick explanation: the thoughts are shown in _italic_ and switch from _Harry_ to '_Voldemort'_... Take notice of the quotations around Voldemort's thoughts. The thoughts are all in Harry's head. Anything not in _italic _is spoken dialogue.

* * *

"Mr. Potter?"

"Prof. Snape, what is it?"

"I just thought I should let you know that I am leaving."

"Leaving?"

"Yes, the Dark Lord is calling and I must report to him."

"No, you mustn't!" _Wait, why not? I know there is a reason. Wait, was it a dream? But what would a dream have to do with Snape?_

"What do you mean, 'I mustn't'? I don't exactly have a choice, Potter, I have to go."

"No, it's not safe."

"Is that what you're worried about? I know it's not safe! I've been a spy for longer then you've been alive. I know the risks."

'"No, I mean, he knows!" _Knows what? Does he really? Yes, but how do I know that?_

"He knows what?"

"He knows you're a spy. There's no meeting, he's only calling you."

"Do you have proof of that?"

"No…" _How do I stop him from going? If only I could see Voldemort through my sc- _"My scar! It doesn't hurt. It always hurts when he calls a full meeting. If I can't feel it, then he's not calling with someone. Therefore, he's calling directly to you."

"That doesn't mean he knows I am a spy."

"It doesn't mean he doesn't!"

"Harry! I have to go."

"I'm sorry professor. Stupefy!"

'_Well done Harry, well done. But he was supposed to come to me so I could kill him.'_

_I won't let you! Now get out of my head!_

"Harry can you come down here?"

"Give me a sec."

'_Ah, so you're living with the mutt now!'_

"Yes, Sirius?"

"Where's Snape?"

_'The traitor is where he belongs. On the floor with the dogs… oops, I guess he's not if the dog's down here!'_

"He's upstairs on the floor."

"On the floor?"

"Well, he was trying to answer Voldemort's-" '_Lord' _"-summons, but Voldemort-" '_Lord!'_ "-knows he's a spy. He would've been killed, so I stupefied him."

"Ahh, I see. Well, I guess we can't just leave him there, although that would be preferable. I'll floo Dumbledore."

_'What is he flooing that old man for? He's nothing but a fool.'_

_Shut up, you stupid Snake! You have no right to criticize Dumbledore. He's a better man then you'll ever be._

_"_Good evening gentlemen, how may I help you tonight?"

"Well, sir, you see, Snape is upstairs, stupefied. He tried going to Voldemort-" '_I told you, it's LORD Voldemort to you!' _"Shut up!"

"I'm sorry, my boy?"

"Oh, um, I…sorry. Anyways, he tried to see …You-Know-Who… when he summoned him, but he knows Snape is a traitor and he was planning on killing Severus, so I couldn't let him go!"

_'Severus? Since when have you called him Severus?'_

"I'll talk to him for you, Harry. But, first, you're sure Tom knows?"

_'How dare he! He has no right to use my given name! And anyways, how could I not know. I am no fool.'_

Harry rubbed at his temples. "I'm sure. I'm just going to go upstairs into the spare room while you talk to Snape. Just leave me for the night."

Harry retreated upstairs and after shutting the door behind him, he silenced and locked it.

_'Potter! Potter, what are we doing in here? How can I get information if we're secluded in here? If you don't take me back downstairs, I'll have to give you some encouragement. How does a dead werewolf sound or some dead weasels? How about I visit the mudblood girl, Granger?'_

_Please, no!_

_'It would be your fault, you know. Just like your parents' deaths are your fault. And Diggory's. Kill the spare. Everyone but you is a spare, Harry. You deserved what your Uncle did to you. You're a murderer, a waste of blood: a burden. Why don't you give that blood back? You don't deserve it! You see that mirror over there? Break it! Break it, like your Uncle broke you. Break it like you're broken.'_

Harry knew it was true. Everything he said was true. He was broken. He was at fault for his parents, for Cedric. It was his entire fault. He was a murderer. He deserved to be punished by his uncle. He was worthless and a burden. His blood was wasted on him, but what good is a broken mirror?

_'You know what I say is true! Look in that mirror, boy. Do you see your reflection? It looks unblemished, but it's not: you're broken, Harry. You know it. The mirror needs to show that. Fix it, Harry. Break it.'_

Harry got out of bed and walked over to the mirror. He could see himself in the mirror, but it didn't look like him. That Harry was whole. He struck suddenly, pushing his fist into the glass, admiring the crack that splayed across and crumbled apart, littering his feet and the floor with brilliant shards. He picked up a large sharp piece, twirling it, watching the light reflect on its surface. He was glad for the silencing charm. Anyone who heard the mirror break would ruin this peaceful moment.

_'Your body still looks unbroken, Harry. You blood is still being wasted. Look at your wrists boy. Do you see the blood coursing through your veins? Do you see that life pumping? Can you hear it, smell it? It's being wasted, Harry. You have bled so little for the lives you have taken. Does Diggory deserve that? Do your parents? Spill your blood, Harry, for those you have wronged! You do not want to be a burden on those still here. Solve the problem, Harry. Take yourself out of the equation. Spill it! Bleed!'_

Harry ran the shard across his wrist lightly, not enough for the blood to spill. Pressing harder, Harry ran the shard back across his wrist. He gasped at the release knowing he was making the right choice. Everything would be better without him. He ran the shard across his other wrist and then multiple times up his arm. As he slipped into the encroaching darkness, one last thought filtered across his mind.

_The Dursleys will be happy._

* * *

AN: Yay, everyone cheer for the exciting cliffie!! Sorry about the long wait. After finishing the yearbook (which I did practically all by myself [I don't know where my team went and handing it in 2 months late), I got stuck writing essays, doing speeches, working and preping for uni. Actually, I'm kinda supposed to be writing an essay right now, so if anyone asks this is a history paper ;p. Anyways, the next chapter should be short, unless I combine it, in preparation for the DMHP slash, which should start in two or three chapters. Don't let that deter you from writing a review now and another one in a couple of days! On that note, 

I want to thank all my reviewers and loyal readers, who are mad at me for taking so long, for resisting the temptation of throwing rotten tomatoes at me :) I love you guys and I love your reviews!


	10. Questions, Ideas and Revelations

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling therefore, none of it is mine.

* * *

After being woken by Dumbledore, Snape was forced to sit through an hour lecture on the benefit of listening to Harry. Like Snape cared what Dumbledore had to say on the matter. Did Dumbledore not understand that Snape had nothing to offer except for his information as a spy? He couldn't just decide one day he wasn't going to spy anymore. And on the word of a boy who knew nothing of the matter? There was no way, but as Dumbledore continued to talk, the idea sunk into his head.

_I could have died. If the Dark Lord really knows, I can only imagine the kind of curses he would use on me. But, how would he know? There was no possible way, unless-_

"Albus, the meeting last night, I asked him who he had killed! He realized I wouldn't know about the murder unless I was with Potter. I can't believe I didn't realize. I am sorry I have failed you, Albus."

"Nonsense, my dear boy, now what does matter is whether or not you are going to apologize to young Harry. He saved your life tonight, Severus; surely that means something to you."

"What do you take me for, Albus? I always apologize to those I have wronged."

At Dumbledore's raised eyebrow, Snape looked away. "I will see him now. Do you know where he is hiding?"

"He went upstairs to the spare bedroom. Please, Severus, be nice. Sometimes I am unsure of your relationship with Harry: sometimes you seem to be cordial, the next you are at each others' throats, but Harry understands you more then you know. That must count for something."

"Please, Albus, my relationship with the boy is frankly none of your concern. I too care for the child, but I do not need to show that in every word and movement like the rest of the world does. If I may, I will take my leave now."

Hesitating, Snape leaned against the door to the spare room. Sometimes he was unsure of his relationship with the boy as well. Potter was the spawn of his enemy and his childhood crush, yet he was unlike either parent. Sometimes, Snape felt contempt beyond control that the child did not belong to Lily and himself. Other times, Snape saw him as a disobedient student, a celebrity with no check on his ego. But mostly, Snape saw Harry as an abused child who needed a firm hand to guide and a family to love. Now, Snape wasn't going to go around giving hugs every two minutes, but he would definitely be keeping a watch on the child... well, more of a watch than usual. He was unsure of how exactly Harry viewed his 'snarky potions' professor', but regardless he would be able to protect the child from a distance, without turning himself into a weepy Gryffindor.

Sure of his position, Snape knocked on the door calmly, announcing his presence. At the lack of acknowledgement, he tried the door. The door, he quickly found out, had been locked, so he withdrew his wand from the inside of his robes and swiftly unlocked it.

All thought swept out of Snape's head as he took in the sight of the small child crumpled on the ground, surrounded by blood and glass shards. Crossing the room in two strides, Snape knelt in the debris and used his wand to clean and bandage the wrist wounds. Holding his fingers to Harry's pulse point, Snape could feel the slow thrum of Harry's blood flowing through the abused wrists. Content, Snape levitated Harry onto the bed and withdrew his personal potions' kit from his cloak. He poured a Blood Replenishing potion into Harry's mouth, massaging the weak throat muscles, coercing his throat to swallow.

Settling onto the bed beside the prone body, Snape meticulously went over his memories of Harry from the last few days. Despite the obvious Voldemort induced incidents, Snape could think of no outstanding moments that would lead Harry to suicide. The boy was tough, or so he had thought, and was somehow above such a plebeian act such as suicide. Harry wouldn't take his own life knowing that Voldemort would then be free to rule as he wished. But somehow, Harry had seen it beneficial to remove himself from the world. Had they been so blind to miss the signs of Harry's depression just as they had missed the signs of his abuse? Had he not been watching Harry close enough?

Thinking about it now, Snape could see the emotional changes in the boy. Black had become increasingly withdrawn at the approach of the school term, knowing Harry would be leaving to attend Hogwarts once again. Harry had been, in turn, drawing away from Black's depressing attitude, yet it wasn't big enough for this kind of reaction, was it? Could he fear leaving his godfather to such an extent? Surely not, but what else could it be?

At a loss, Snape directed his thoughts to another pressing issue. What was Black going to do when he found out Harry had attempted suicide? Several thoughts roamed through Snape's head ranging from Black being so upset that he committed suicide himself to being so upset that Black tried to strangle Harry and Snape was forced to kill Black in Harry's defence. Either way, Snape liked the outcome, but knowing what the mutt's death would do to Harry, Snape couldn't find the outcomes as happy as he normally would. That took letting Black know off the list, leaving the wolf and Dumbledore. Striking the former off the list as detrimental to his health, Snape pondered his mentor. Dumbledore would force Harry under tighter bonds to "protect" him. However, Snape knew this could in itself be detrimental to Harry's well being. Realizing the cons greatly outweighed the pros, Snape sighed, realizing he would have to deal with the child himself. Joy.

When Snape had remained still long enough to reach his breaking point and was reduced to counting the trees in the distance, he was stirred from his musings by a muffled groan resounding from the injured boy.

"Potter? Harry, can you hear me? Where does it hurt?"

"Nowhere that doesn't usually hurt."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Well, it means I haven't gained any new body parts. Surely that's a good thing?"

"Surely you could be a little less sarcastic. You owe me a big explanation."

"About wha- Merlin's balls, did I really do that?" Harry's gaze shot to his bandaged wrists. "Fuck."

"Indeed. So, your explanation?"

"I don't know."

"You... don't know? How can you not know? One does not do something of this nature without having some kind of motivation behind it."

"I don't know what to tell you, Snape. I remember saving your pathetic life from being thrown away and then there's nothing after that."

"My pathetic life? I'll have you know, Potter, that I have done a lot more in my life then you will ever have the opportunity to do. However, the fact that you remember nothing does intrigue me. Would you mind if I had a look?"

"Help yourself. It's not like you won't anyway."

"What is your problem, Potter?"

"My problem? My problem is that I just tried to commit suicide and I can't remember it. My problem is that I saved your life and you didn't have the decency to acknowledge it. My problem is that everyone is going to hate me for this."

"Hate you? Harry, no one will hate you for this. In fact I have no intention of letting anyone know of this, as they will undoubtedly smother you and put you up on yet another pedestal. However, if you cannot remember the circumstances leading to your actions, there may be some logical explanation. Finally, if you had not jumped to conclusions, I would have been able to tell you that I had in fact come up here to apologize for not believing you and to thank you for saving my life. Now, let me have a look. _Legilimens."_

"Merlin, Potter, has the Dark Lord been able to do that before?"

"Twice, but he's never had that much control before. I mean, he's been in my head loads of times and he's talked to me twice, but he's never been able to influence what I do."

"Potter, Harry, that can't happen again. Who knows what will happen if next time I'm not around to save the day like usual. We're going to have to block him out of your head. As for your ineptitude at Occlumency, we will have to find a more permanent way to block you mind. I will have a look in the library here. If I can find the reference I'm thinking of, we may be able to cure you faster than you think. Give me a moment and meet me in the library in fifteen minutes. In the mean time, I suggest you go down to the kitchen where Molly can stuff you with the entire contents of the kitchen. That will help considerably to counteract your blood loss.

"Alright, Potter, I have double checked my sources and there are two ways in which we can fix your problem. The first involves human sacrifice and is perhaps a little too dark for the Golden Boy. Luckily the second is a lot easier; however it will take some work on your part."

"Anything to get this madman out of my head."

"Well, this theory consists of covering one voice with another. In effect, you would be losing Voldemort's voice, by replacing it with another. However, as the bond requires you to use your soul mate there is little danger in the second voice."

"My soul mate? I'm not sure I understand, sir."

"You need to locate your soul mate and complete a bond with them. Completing a bond, Potter, means having intercourse with your mate."

"Wait, so all I have to do is have sex with someone? Well, then why exactly is he still in my head. I'm obviously not a virgin."

"I am not talking rape, child. I mean you must have sex with your significant other. Only one who completes you can protect you."

"But, how would I find someone like that? I'm not exactly the kind of person everyone wants and how would I even know if that person is my 'soul mate'?"

"It's a lot simpler than it sounds, Harry. Your soul mate is your perfect match. If you find them, you will know it is right. Typically, they are someone who compliments you. They would be your exact opposite in some ways and your double in others. They are typically a person who you already have feelings for."

"But I don't... There's no one like that, sir. It's not like I have time to think about love and I'm not selfish enough to put someone in danger like that."

"Potter, if they are you "perfect match" the danger will definitely not be a problem for them. If I had my guess, they are probably someone who knows danger very well."

"Sure, but I wouldn't know where to start looking."

"Well, isn't there anyone you're remotely interested in? How about Miss. Weasley? You seem to get along and she likes you."

"Ginny? No way. She's like a sister to me and anyways, I'm not really like that, sir."

"Not like what?"

"Ginny's a girl... I... I'm not like... that."

"Ah, I see. Alright then. No Weasleys you say. Well, how about Finnigan of Thomas, although I think there is something already going on between them. Never mind... How about Longbottom or that persistent Creevey boy?

"Neville is straight and definitely not my type. Creevey would be like living with a fan girl. There's no way I could do that."

"Well, how about someone from my own house: Mr. Zabini perhaps or my godson Draco."

Harry blushed.

"Do you have a crush on one of my Slytherins, Potter?"

Harry blushed deeper.

"My godson?"

Harry looked away.

"Well, that is rather unexpected. I must say as his godfather, that if you choose to pursue him, it best be on his terms. I will not permit you to lead him or bed him purely for your well-being. That said, you do complement each other rather nicely. Draco can be a bit spoiled at times, but underneath his Malfoy exterior, he does have a heart. If you break it, Potter, I will not forgive you. Is that understood?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Now go. I know for a fact you did not go to the kitchens and eat like I asked you to. Would you like me to hint to Molly that you seem rather peckish?"

Harry scuttled from the room.

"Oh, and Harry?"

Harry paused momentarily.

"Good luck."

* * *

AN: Well, there you go... the DM/HP starts :)... I know I said it was going to be shorter, but it turned out to be almost double the size of the last chapter. Oh, well... it's not a bad thing. Anyways, I am again supposed to be something school related... this time if they ask, this story is in fact written in French lol. Anyways, the next chapter is still a litlle jumbled, and as we are throwing a surprise party for my mom this week-end and the week-end after is Thanksgiving, I don't know when the next chap will be up. It will probably be a week or two after the Canadian Thanksgiving which is Oct 8th. Thanks for your patience. Thanks to my reviewers and all the people who like my story enough to bookmark it or put it on an alert. Next chapter, Harry goes to Hogwarts!!!

Review!! Love you all, Steff


	11. Going Home

Disclaimer: I'm not J.K. Rowling; therefore, it's not mine.

* * *

Waking up on the morning of September 1st was as hectic as it always was when the Weasleys were involved. Harry had, in a moment of brilliance, packed the night before and as such was able to spend his morning in relative peace while he watched Ron run himself ragged trying to find his belongings. Harry was amazed at how far scattered Ron's things had become.

Harry used his spare time to reflect on all the things that had kept him awake late into the morning. All his tossing and turning had unfortunately reminded Harry of the numerous welts on his back which didn't seem to be healing very well. Pomphrey had assured him they would heal within his first week at Grimmauld place, but after four weeks they still ripped open easily. Harry didn't mention them again, as he didn't want everyone to fuss, so the wounds remained untreated. They had finally started healing or so Harry had thought until last night. However, with all the things on his mind right now, the welts were definitely not Harry's priority. The main thing on Harry's mind was the upcoming return to Hogwarts.

Harry had some good reasons for worrying about going back to Hogwarts. First of all, Harry was definitely not looking forward to seeing Snape and Malfoy. Now that Snape knew about Harry's crush on Draco, Harry was sure he would use it against him somehow. Or else, Snape would mention it to Draco and Draco would use it against him. Either way it wasn't a very happy prospect. Harry wasn't exactly sure what he was going to do about this whole soul mate/Draco thing. With Draco not knowing anything about Harry's traumatic summer, he would surely not treat Harry any differently then he normally did. Although, come to think of it, Harry could distinctly remember Severus mentioning something about Lucius not being entirely happy with his heir. Regardless, Harry was sure whatever was going on between father and son would have little bearing on Draco's thoughts of Harry. How Sev expected Harry to be able to 'woo' his godson was beyond Harry completely. The worst thing was that Harry's feelings towards Draco had only gotten stronger over the summer and Harry wasn't sure if he could go back to being treated like dirt by the Blond boy.

Secondly, Harry was, per usual, worried about the new DADA professor. With the exception of Prof. Lupin, Harry didn't exactly have a good track record as far as DADA profs went. Even with all Harry's new concerns, he couldn't help but worry about what challenges this year would undoubtedly bring and what kind of nutcases he would have to deal with.

But mostly, Harry was afraid of how the school and students would react when they found out he had been abused. It was inevitable that they would find out, him being the boy-who-lived and the fact that the unofficial motto of Hogwarts was 'It's a secret, so naturally, everyone knows.' Harry could only imagine the pity of the Hufflepuffs, the _helpful_ book recommendations from the Ravenclaws and the cajoling taunts from the Slytherins. He was grateful to think that at least the Gryffindors would have his back.

When Ron had finally found his last textbook and packed his elusive tie (somehow it had ended up in a kitchen cupboard), the group was ready to head off and meet the train. The trip was pretty uneventful as Dumbledore, finally acknowledging the danger, allowed an illegal portkey to transport them directly outside Kings Cross Station. After getting on the train the Gryffindors split up, Hermione and Ron heading to the prefects' meeting and Ginny going to meet her friends. Harry headed off down the train to find a compartment, hopefully occupied by some other Gryffindors. As Harry approached the end of the train, Harry felt like he would never find a place to sit. Luckily as he approached the last two compartments Harry recognized Neville's voice floating out from behind the door. Harry opened the compartment and happily stepped inside.

"Neville! Luna! Good to see you! How were your summers?"

"Hello. You don't happen to have a Snarkle with you, do you Harry?"

"Umm, no?"

Harry turned to roll his eyes with Neville as Luna turned back to her book, but he was assaulted by the nervous look on Neville's face.

"H...Harry. You c...can't sit in here. L...look, when Gran found out about the ministry – well, you just can't be near me anymore. No hard feelings, eh mate?"

Harry, who had definitely not expected that, stammered a "no, no offence Nev." and backed out of the compartment. Harry hastily rubbed at tears now gathering in his eyes and headed to the final compartment. He entered it without knocking and found himself face-to-face with a room full of Slytherins. The Slytherins quickly slid from the compartment and Harry was left alone with the one person he did not want to see right now – Draco Malfoy.

"Potter? Just the person I wanted to see."

"Can... can I sit in here? Wait, you wanted to see me? What for?" Harry's heart leaped into his throat. Had Snape said something?

"Go ahead take a seat. Potter... are you crying?"

Harry swiped traitorously at the tears now spilling over.

"No, it's nothing, just why did you want me?"

"Where are the weasel and mudblood?"

"Don't call Hermione that! She's a better person then you'll ever be, Malfoy! And anyways, they're at the prefects' meeting where you should be, shouldn't you?"

"Don't worry about where I should be Potter; just mind your own business."

"Wait a second, you asked me a question first!"

"Look, let's just not talk."

"Fine by me!"

Draco had never stayed quiet for such a long time. He was bursting to say something. The tension in the compartment was almost palpable. Looking across at Harry, it looked like he was a lot more affected by the silence than Draco himself was. Draco had never seen Harry's eyes as haunted as they were right now. '_He doesn't look to well,'_ Draco thought to himself. '_He looks like I did that time dad – no Lucius – used me to vent on, but Potter has the perfect life! No one would ever dare to do that to the precious Boy-who-lived. Maybe if I say something he'll spill his secret__!'_

"I refused the dark mark."

"Huh?"

"I refused the dark mark. I was supposed to be marked this summer, but I told Lucius I didn't want to be Voldemort's slave like he is. Lucius is giving me until Christmas to change my mind and join the Dark Lord."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You asked me why I wanted to see you; that's why."_ 'I__ trust you.__' _"I need your help. I can't let Lucius or the Dark Lord get me. I figured the Golden Boy would be able to protect me."

Draco watched as a slight disappointment flashed across Potter's face. But it was gone as quick as it appeared and Potter slipped in to a thoughtful trance. Eventually Potter seemed to come to some sort of conclusion because he nodded and turned back to Draco.

"I trust you, Draco. We'll need to talk to Dumbledore; he'll know what to do."

"Dumbledore? Will he help me?"

"Dumbledore trusts me and I trust you. It'll be fine. But I need you to understand what you are asking for. Are you really prepared to give up your family... your home?"

"I have to. I can't live my life as someone else's lap dog. I am a Malfoy, and a Malfoy bows to no one!"

"Good. Now, what would you say to a round of exploding snap?"

* * *

A/N: Well, there you go. Another chapter and Draco interaction! Anyways, the next couple of chapters are typed up so they should start appearing. I have two essays on the go, though, so I can't give you an exact guess of when I'll be uploading. I would say the next chap should go up next weekend! 


	12. A 'Discussion' of Safety

Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling; therefore, I own nothing.

* * *

Harry and Draco parted at the entrance hall with Harry sitting down immediately at the end of his table and Draco walking across to the Slytherins, seating himself between Crabbe and Goyle. Harry's friends looked quizzically down the table at Harry, but they turned back as Prof. McGonagall escorted the new first years into the hall.

Draco watched as Snape gave a worried glance towards Potter. As soon as Snape noticed Draco watching, his mask slipped back into place. He quickly acknowledged Draco with a slight nod of his head and then both men were distracted by the Sorting Hat:

A thousand years ago today,

Children stood in the very same way;

Some looked round new and nervous,

Others sat bored, not curious.

Through the years nothing's changed,

Students have left and new students came;

They stood apart, never together,

Never changing for the better.

Today we are in a time of need,

Knowing only pain and greed;

I sort you into houses four,

The time for change is always sore.

I cannot change what's in the past,

But I can warn and you can last;

No matter what house you are sent to go,

There are some things you need to know.

Two of you will come together,

Against the wish of all the rest;

Force you apart, they will try,

But with the aid of the very best.

You'll stay together, through love and lust,

With some semblance of the thing called trust;

Betrayed is something you will be,

With the snake we will find thee.

"Enough! Let us begin the sorting, please, Minerva."

* * *

"Well, look at all those new faces! To the fresh, welcome to Hogwarts! To the old, welcome back! Today is the start of a new year and I would like to take this moment to go over some announcements. First of all, Voldemort is back. I know that the ministry has tried to blind you all, but alas, it is unfortunately true. Please, do not let this stop you from living happily. There are people around you and amongst you that will protect you from any harm, however it is best you know of the threat! The Sorting Hat has chosen to warn you and I will also. We must come together as a school, as friends, as a family. As such I believe it would be best to share something with you all: something I have not told anyone before. It will show you that people are not always what they seem to be, for I was and still am... a Slytherin! On that note our Defence professor will again be Professor Lupin. Professor Black will be filling in around the full moon. I would also like to point out that the future is not written in stone, however if it seems like it is, muggles have an incredible invention called TNT that may be of some help. Now, let's eat!"

_'The sneaky bastard!__ What a way to get the __Slytherins__ to stop and think about what they are doing. Of course, I knew he was a __Slytherin__, him being a pseudo-father to me, but I am probably the only person, save Minerva and perhaps Mr. Potter.'_

_'Dumbledore's a __Slytherin? __No way!'_ Harry thought as he watched Hermione and Ginny absentmindedly fill an extra plate with food and pass it down the table until it reached him. At Grimmauld place, both girls had taken to making sure Harry ate full meals. To Harry, most food had ceased to have taste, so he took to mashing it together and vanishing it part by part while no one watched. As soon as the first students began to rise, Harry dashed from the hall and entered the boys' dorm in record time. He quickly pulled off all his clothes save his boxers and collapsed onto his bed, casting a hasty silencing spell and falling into the calling darkness.

* * *

"All day with the Slytherins," Ron exclaimed as he looked over Harry's timetable, "that's rotten luck!"

Harry shrugged lightly and took his timetable back from Ron and followed Hermione into the dungeons. They found themselves seats at the back of the Potions' classroom and waited silently for Professor Snape to appear.

"I don't know how most of you got into my class," Snape sneered as he stormed into the room, surveying the eight students seated within his classroom. Besides Harry and Hermione only Draco, Blaise Zabini, Pansy and 3 Ravenclaws had made it into advanced potions.

"Most of you, I'm sure, cheated on your OWLs, however as I have no proof, I will be forced to deal with you for the next two years. Some of you, however," here Snape glanced at Malfoy, "have the natural talent and the drive to become a great Potions' Master."

"I will be pairing you up with the partners you will use for the upcoming year: Boot and Brocklehurst, Granger and Kayden, Malfoy and Potter, Parkinson and Zabini... Well, what are you waiting for? Move!"

Hermione looked sympathetically at Harry who had paled considerably. As Harry moved to Malfoy's desk he swore he saw Snape wink at him.

"Potter," Malfoy acknowledged as Harry sat down. "Didn't think you'd make it into this class."

"Yah, well, miracles happen, Draco."

"So it would seem. So, how's it going in the lions' den?"

"It sucks," Harry said honestly forgetting he was supposed to be Malfoy's enemy. "I can't be myself there. I don't think they would accept me for who I am."

"Who are you?"

Harry realized just exactly who he was talking to. "It doesn't matter." He turned back to his textbook.

Draco looked at Harry inquisitively but stayed silent. He added bat wings to the potion and then turned back to Harry.

"I used to wear a mask around all my friends too, Potter. I pretended to be who I thought they, and my father, wanted me to be. But, this summer I decided I didn't want to wear that mask anymore."

Draco stirred the potion.

"I think your friends would understand, Potter, if you gave them the chance. But I understand what you're going through. Meet me on the quidditch pitch after dinner. Maybe a scrimmage or just a walk across the grounds will help."

* * *

"I didn't think you'd actually come."

"Of course I came, I'm a Gryffindor remember, I don't break promises. Plus, you asked me to."

"I know. I just don't understand why you trust me."

"I don't trust you completely, Draco, not yet at least, but we're a lot alike, you and I: both pretending to be someone we're not just to please someone else. And, don't laugh, but when I'm around you I just feel like everything will be okay." Harry laughed. "That sounds stupid, doesn't it?"

"No, I thought it was just because, you know, you're the Golden Boy, you wouldn't let anyone else get hurt, but..."

"You feel the same way?"

"Yah, it just, I don't know. It's like safety."

"Yah it is, isn't it?"

Draco glanced sideways at Harry. The breezy September air had turned the Brunette's cheeks a healthy red and Harry moved to swipe his blowing fringe from his eyes.

"Is everything all right, Draco? What is it? Do I have something on me?"

Draco shook his head and glanced away. He caught his lip between his teeth and gnawed; a nervous habit he had unconsciously picked up. Pansy was always telling him off for it, but in a situation like this...

"Potter?"

"Yah?"

"I... um..."

Draco turned abruptly and pushed Harry hard slamming the smaller boy against the stands. He pinned Harry crushing their lips together. The kiss was tentative, almost as if Draco was unsure of how Harry would react. Harry wrapped his arms around the blonde boy's waist allowing the kiss to deepen. Harry ran his tongue across Draco's lips seeking an entrance and Draco opened his mouth wider allowing their tongues to intertwine. At last, Harry pulled back to draw in a breath. Draco opened his lust filled eyes and glanced into the green orbs of Ha—

"Oh, fuck."

* * *

AN: Yay for cliffies!!! In my original plan this chap was supposed to be just filler, but if I had left it this story would end up reallllllly drawn out, so I'm speeding up just a little. Anyways, thats their first kiss!! Hopefully not the last :)

Thanks to all my reviewers and all those who added the story to their alerts/favs. I love you all!


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